A Reddit user recently asked the question, “How Would You Tell Your Girlfriend She’s Becoming Unattractive? Or Would You?” and the responses were interesting, to say the least — ranging from suggestions to break up to admonishments that the asker had no right to judge his girlfriend’s appearance.
Fact is, attraction plays a huge role in choosing who to date. Not every woman or man is a 10 out of 10, but there are certainly mesmerizing qualities that make a (wo)man attractive. Chances are, one of the reasons why you chose your girlfriend to be “the one” is because of (at least) one of those qualities. But what happens when that said quality is fading? How would you tell your girlfriend (or boyfriend, for that matter) that he/she’s becoming unattractive? Or should you?
For simplicity’s sake, we’ll stick with the asker’s original gender association, although we’ll point out that the issue can apply to humans of any gender.
Understanding Why She’s Looking Like *That*
She may be having issues far beyond the physical
Your girlfriend’s mental health should be considered first and foremost. Just like with any other human being — man or woman — it’s difficult to maintain your looks when you’re dealing with mental health problems. It’s already difficult enough to fix what’s going on in your mind, there’s no need to focus on the physical for now.
She’s just not that kind of girl
Women take care of their looks differently. Some use more makeup than others. Other women prefer a natural look but are very engaged in being in shape. Just like men, women prefer to focus on different aspects of their physical attributes. Assess first the kind of woman your girlfriend is and determine whether or not you’re focused on something she’s not interested in doing or becoming.
She needs a break from the demanding world
Women are very critical of their bodies. They’re also very aware of their flaws and they amplify it to a level where it becomes an insecurity of theirs — that’s why they easily get upset when you point out their flaws — they already know! Magazines, advertisements, and online influencers are only a few media outlets that are widely available to see. Sometimes, the expectations of society can take a toll on a woman.
Nature and time are also huge factors, but that’s something no person can control. If she gained weight post-pregnancy, you have to cut her some slack and give her time to recover. If her wrinkles are becoming more visible, know that aging is natural.
How to Approach Her
If you discuss and agree that her mental health isn’t in tip-top shape, ask her if she has something in her mind that she’s comfortable sharing with you, if she needs a loved one to talk to, or if she seeks a professional who can help her better. If that is the solution to the problem, then you may not even need to tell your girlfriend she’s becoming unattractive. She’ll most likely start taking care of her physical health again once the mental side is fixed.
You also have to manage your expectations as your standards might have become too high for her to keep up with. If that’s not the case, then you can suggest new looks you think she’s open to doing. Tell her she can try going for a short hairdo or you’re curious what she would look like with makeup on. You can also tell her she’d look way better with toned muscles and you both should go to the gym together. If she refuses to do any of these, don’t force her.
It’s difficult to think of ways you can tell your girlfriend she’s becoming unattractive. While indeed, physical attraction is only a fraction of romance, sometimes, the lack of physical upkeep can dampen a relationship. Understand first the “Why” before you figure out the “How.” Also, ask yourself “Should I tell her?” There are many reasons why your girlfriend is looking unattractive and the best way you can get her to look attractive again is by helping her.
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